10th November 2004 Scan time

Well here is a scan picture, little wriggler - bungee beanie - showing beanies head and body, even a little nose and fingers.

Wednesday 10th November 2004

Well first post (of the day), the name I said for a girl, daddy doesn't agree on, I mentioned it a while back he says "yes" but then he wasn't listening so when I mentioned it yesterday he said "no" so back to the baby naming books/online lists.It was so nice to see, and reassuring to see you're OK in there today, I was scared and very anxious all the way up the hill and up 'till the time Mr Young (obs consultant) pointed out the heartbeat... Phewww, sigh of relief.Next Scan will be 1st December, I can't wait. Just want to sleep between now and then, apart from midwife appointment on 24th November, that will be good too!

Hello again Beanie!Well aren't you a little wriggler, now I know where those little tickles come from, all that moving about, poor Peter (obs consultant) couldn't get a picture for ages until you decided to have a rest.So are you going to play for man city like your big brother? With those powerful kicks I think I'm in for some powerful "ribbing" in a few months time hey, and hiccups? It was so exciting to see you moving about, I was so worried and scared and the pictures and seeing you on screen was so surreal, it's just so magic how they can do that these days.Well 1st December is our next scan and hopefully we shall meet up with Lucy and her little daughter and her bumpy beanie too, looking forward to that too. Love Mummy, Daddy, Declan, angels Alex and Ashley xxxxx

Monday 8th November 2004

Hope you're OK baby, I'm sorry for getting upset, I just want things to be perfect with the four of us but it never will be in some ways, your perfect, Declan's perfect, I am (almost) and your Daddy is, but for some principles need sorting out and it will never happen, I'm very upset, I'm scared and anxious, I don't want to lose you and I don't want to get upset!I'm not lazy but I want to stay at home and put my feet up until you are born, I'm not sure if this will help I just hope!!!Love Mummy, Daddy, Big brother Declan xxxx Alex and Ashley I hope you are happy, keep watching over your little brother/sister and keep him/her safe from the outside world until 40 weeks (full term). Love Mummy xxx

Sunday 7th November 2004

Well hello there beanie, oh what a day! First we couldn't get the stuff we wanted to get and then well it's back to work tomorrow, yawn! I'll miss my lie ins and I won't get much of one next Saturday, not a quiet one anyway.Roll on Christmas break! Yet first, roll on Wednesday. I can't wait to see you on screen, midwifes have to take bloods too, oh whoopee doo!Your last scan photos are laying by my bed, so I can see you when I get up, when I go to bed, and I feel you too. You haven't been that obvious in your movements yet it's early days and some days you show more than others, and one day you Will show me how to kick a football (yet it will be my ribs) hehe. :)OK Daddy is in the bath and I'm gonna go play something, don't know what, just something. Nightey nightey baby bungee baby xxxxx
A little note to our angels Alex and Ashley, I hope you like the roses we leave for you and have been playing with the balloon that we left for you, so many flowers and so many little angels surrounding you, to play with you. I just wish you were here with us here at home now xxx

Saturday 6th November 2004

Good Morning Beanie! I've been trying to find free samples to put in your little treasure box for when you pop into this world to meet all those that love you. Ordered a couple of items of clothing, which reminds me, I'll have to ring them and clarify payment in a minute, also we have got a nice soft, slidy, wooden floor which I'm sure you will love when you arrive. Gosh I am excited at even thinking of your arrival in 6 months "woohooo" Sadly, Auntie Gill hasn't got much time left, it is not fair, she will be sad she won't ever get to met you, if you are a girl you could/will be her name sake, if you are a boy, well we're still searching for names, yet I still believe you could be a 'Jack'. Well I think you will be here 'til last minute, at home 'til you pop out unless they decide to induce me, I'm not going for a home birth it's just boring in hospitals and although they have all the pain relief I have stuck an image in my head that daddy can watch TV if we are at home (what's he like) whilst I pace around the room as you try and push yourself out, have a bath etc :) Well I think I'll go do something now, don't know what but something, Daddy and Declan are playing on PS2 (surprise surprise) (Later the same day) We have been out today and bought some accessories for the kitchen (curtain pole) and a rug yesterday for under the table, we need curtains and a blind for the kitchen now, maybe. Mummy, here, made some sweet flapjacks 'mmm' and have been munching between headaches, just tea time now which of course daddy is making.

Thursday 4th November 2004

Well 'ello Beanie! Today I've been up, been sick, been out having lunch, back home in car when I felt crap and then home to be sick again and feel generally rotten....gather you didn't like part of that meal as I had to chuck it up again...they do say if baby doesn't like something your body gets rid upwards rather than down...So I gather something was a no no... egg or pineapple? Ice-cream? cream? chips? I will get to the bottom of this or is it the top? Well you moved about a bit after I finished lunch so I gather you enjoyed either most of the lunch or the lime and lemonade which I think was a bit crappy lemonade as it tasted horrid (I've had nicer). Well that's it for now, not sure what to do with myself but I might go and tidy Declans bedroom up a bit. Went to see Alex and Ashley today and took them two roses and a Happy Birthday 'Winnie the pooh' balloon for Alex birthday, to think Ashley would be about 5 months now and Alex would be a year old, our darling Angels, we miss you lots and beanie, we love you lots xxx (Later the same day) hello bouncy one again... who likes fizzy stuff then? bit of lemonade and your bouncing off the walls, that placenta is not a bungee cord you know, it's a cushion for you to lie down on and go to sleep late at night, your oxygen tank that I am, the placenta is your life line. ***boing*** Just messing, you bounce about as much as you wish, whilst you have the room to do it, and then when you can walk one day we will take you to Funsters to have a good bounce with your brother. Ooh I can't wait for Christmas!

Wednesday 3rd November 2004

'Ello Beanie, I wonder how big you are now, I reckon you are about 6Cm's, at a guess, with daddy feeding me so good! You have moved a bit last night when I went to bed I felt you, and this morning, very very lightly. Also this morning, Auntie Jo sent us a lovely card.

"Dear Phil & Ange,
CONGRATULATIONS Well done you guys! We are so happy to
hear your news about your baby, you must be over the moon. Take good care of
yourself Ange & get Phil to feed you lots of cake, etc, etc! Love, Jo, Rich,
Will & Isla
xx"

(Later the same day) Hello beanie again, mummy not feeling good, very upset about lots of things right now, and I've got to stay calm and not get my blood pressure up because of you whom we all love. Auntie Gill doesn't want to see anybody, she wants to go now, to be with our Angels Alex and Ashley, I just want to curl up and sleep 'til Christmas, 'til Santa Claus comes down the chimney and brings us lots of baby glue, and presents for Declan. Just think this time next year we will be looking forward to your 1st Christmas, mummy and daddy are trying to stay positive, it's hard, and upsetting. Night night xxx

Tuesday 2nd November 2004

Well hello beanie! I've been very tired today and most the time felt like crying, I did have a cry this morning! I perked up after my bath when our lovely Declan came home from school. You have moved around today as I've felt butterflies yet I don't think I've heard/felt hiccups today. I'm feeling anxious about next Wednesday, I don't know why I know things will be fine! Daddy has made a lovely lasagna for tea (we haven't been the best of friends 'cus I said a couple of home truths this morning - I can blame it on my hormones :) ) Let's hope we have a better week with daddy hey, and get wriggling beanie, I wanna feel ya dance xxx

Monday 1st November 2004

Hello there beanie *smiles* again, I've had some little fancy footwork from you, it feels like flutterbys moving around my bump, it's really cool! Daddy has been painting the kitchen cupboards today, it stinks, he has finished the cupboards, the walls come next. I don't want this week to end because I'm enjoying being at home, having my feet up, waiting for your next spurt of bubbly flutterbys and yet I also can't wait for next Wednesday when we shall see you moving about on the magic screen again. It's better than going to the cinema, seeing you dancing around! We will be popping around on Thursday morning to see Alex and Ashley on the way to lunch with Nana and pops, which I can't wait for either as I should try and come more often, to be honest when we have certain visitors I don't want to be home, I want to be sitting on the benches in the memorial garden.
xxx Daddy, big brother and I love you so much xxx

Sunday 31st October 2004

Good Afternoon Beanie! Did you have hiccups this morning? I felt a few little
pip pip pips which felt very cute! Declan loved his present that we bought him yesterday! Auntie Claire and Gary liked the presents and little anecdotes I wrote in the birthday card for Gary, haha! Nipped to Auntie Sarah and Uncle Drews for a bit last night on the way home and Declan came home with three borrowed games for the PS2 console (that racket you hear every morning at weekends) and some toy cars so that made him un-bored and a happy boy today. Daddy is stripping walls in the kitchen so we can have a greenish kitchen and we are having a wooden floor fitted on Friday. Tuesday, Daddy is going to see a special person about his back aches and Thursday we are meeting Nana and Norman for lunch. I want to go out and buy lots of little things for you to put in a box ready, like I did for Declan but I will do that soon, let's just get the kitchen done first. I've been sending off for lots of free samples off the Internet lately to put in a little box for you and I'm just about to subscribe to 'pregnancy and birth' magazine to get Miriam Stoppard's moisturisers. (Later on same day) 'Ello Beanie! Who's been trying out their fancy footwork? hiccups? dancing? Mummy's felt soft little twinges today, it's great, I'm very excited about next week, I really am! I should stop drinking too much fizzy stuff I suppose, don't want to make you ill yet I believe you love sweet things. Apple and custard soon, "mmm" that is very sweet for a sweet little beanie like you! xxx

Friday 29th October 2004

Good Evening to you our lovely little beanie!!! Well it's holiday time for Mummy and Daddy and Declan gets taken to school and picked up every day so he will love that everyday bless him! Had a weird dream last night, I don't think I'm even going to explain the contents of that one on here... oooh no! Got lots of sweeties and food in for next week and a new car for your big brother, I'm sure he will love that. Well I'm sure you're moving so I can feel you every now and then, like little hiccups or something, it feels like bubbles and I can't wait 'til they get more intense. Just over a week and we will see you again, whooopeeee!

Thursday 28th October 2004

Mummy's been emotional and tired today! I'm really missing your big brother whom as you know is at your grandparents and we should pick him up Friday yet we are going that way Saturday so he is staying at Grandma's 'till then and we will pick Aunt Sarah and Uncle Drew up too to meet up with Auntie Claire and Uncle Gary, so I'll be feeding you Chinese again!!! I think you have been doing lots of movements since we saw you yesterday, as I've felt butterflies. I can't wait 'til you get even bigger and I feel you more, it's great! And I can put a malteser on my belly and you can kick it off... what a cool game! I can't wait 'til Christmas either! Mummy's 10 weeks 3 days pregnant! We miss our angels Alex and Ashley too, you should all be here together xx love you all!

Wednesday 27th October 2004

Well beanie, haven't you grown, personally I wouldn't call you beanie as you're bigger 34mm in length now (head to bottom) WOWWWW!!!!!Will see you again in two weeks.Can't believe it still, 10 weeks 2 days, I woke up this morning I was 9 weeks 5 days .... 4 days difference within hours!Consultant, Peter, is happy fo rus to have more scans during the scary weeks yet i'm sure you will be OK, i've had a bit of booze in my tea, i've had booze before I knew you were inside...i've had nuts and i've had blue cheese yet overriding all the naughty movements are the extremely good, nice tasting little aspirins.
Peter (consultant) said I don't need heperin ... phew! ... don't fancy injecting my tummy, yet if it is needed then it has to be done.
Heard your l'il heartbeat pounding away...ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom ... very fast and fine (after Peter found the volume switch).
Well here are the pictures for us to savour for you little beanie. I asked for one picture and got two, wahey! Twice the fun! (when baby is one) when Peter said viable singleton...one baby you hear one baby! Not two! not as I would mind twins!

[scan pictures ]

Tuesday 26th October 2004

11:05am... Morning Beanie babes! xxx Well Mummy hasn't had much sleep so stuff work, I'm here at home, feet up (just as I like it hehe) and trying to get as much rest as I can. Can't believe that by this time tomorrow we should have seen you again on the magic screen (as I call it). They can take as long as they want to see you on screen and then we have 2 weeks wait to see you again, hurrah!!!Not sure what to eat today, my mouth feels weird cus I've drank and ate so much citrusy things.Daddy didn't text before 10am so as not to wake me... wish he had! Well I'll message you later our lovely baby beanie, we love you! PS. I swear you are moving around my stomach, feels like butterflies which is so reassuring!

Monday 25th October 2004

Well 'ello there little baby bean, less than 48 hours 'till we see ya somersaulting around in your temporary home.A long, busy, tired day today, wanted a Chinese so much yet after eating the pancakes I couldn't be bothered with the rest. Drank like a trooper...had about 4 lollipops and ready to shut my eyes and go to sleep...bath time now though!I've been nervous and anxious, still am a bit, about Wednesday, yet I'm so positive because you're still making me feel sickly so that's good, (think it's all that moving about that you do, it's like my stomach turning over a hump back bridge or a roller coaster) yet every minute of nausea and tiredness is worth it to see you in May 2005...We Love you baby beanie xxx ps. we love you Alex and Ashley too and we will come and see you in a few days as Alex you would be one year old soon and as far as I'm concerned you are 1 year old xxx we love you and Ashley and miss you both dearly xx our ^i^ ^i^ angels!

Sunday 24th October 2004

Well what a long day!Up and bathed and you got your little pampering of baby soap rubbed all over my belly with you snuggled up inside. Off to the christening in the Wigan area!Christening: Little Jac winged most the way through it and I'm sure he was very very tired (he was asleep when we left the restaurant) off to the restaurant which was lovely, we sat and had a drink before we sat down on a long table for some food, along side Niamh, Niamh's son Matthew and Mark Travis. Declan sat by Matthew. We all ate our food and we were all full up!...off to a lovely traffic jam on the M6 and back home via Grandma's to drop your big brother off for a week, when we see you on the screen on Wednesday I will have to ring Declan and tell him all about you!After Dec had gone... Well I miss my little man already, feels like he has gone to bed early but he isn't even here, Daddy's playing shoot 'em ups on his PS2 game (you really don't want to know what a PS2 is yet). Mummy is sitting here, chatting to Jackie (you will meet her one day) who will Coo and aww at you I'm sure!Well I'm tired out and eating nuts, I hope you like them, I'm chewing them properly like my mother told me.Nitey nitey as it is nearly time for Coronation Street.xx Mummy, Daddy, Declan and angels Alex and Ashley xx

Friday 22nd October 2004

Evening our little beanie, how big are you we wonder?I've been a bit grotty with Daddy today! He isn't pleased with Declan 'cus we have done well for him wtih the teacher and then he has been silly at school (what do you expect for the last week of term, all kids are excited, you will know what I mean by this one day).Declan's going to karate in half an hour, he loves it!I'm bored at work, the Money may be good but roll on next Wednesday for the scan and next Friday when i'l be on holiday for a week and a half in total "wahooo" We can get some well earned rest me and you!Lie-ins in bed, nice lunches with daddy and even more Nana and Norman.Declan's going to stay with Grandma and Grandad Cooke this Saturday yet first it is off to the christening to see baby Jac being christened before we leave Declan for a week (I miss him loads when he goes!)In a few weeks I should be able to feel you moving around which will be great! Sometimes I feel like I can feel you now but I cant, can I? 9 weeks? Noo?I know you're moving but I shouldn't be able to feel you now, yet i won't complain if I could.Well updates will come later, I'm going to do some online window shopping!Nighty night our angels xxx

Wednesday 20th October 2004

Feeling weepy, agitated and tired and sickly today...every minute is worth it to see you next week and every week we can on a scan and in 6 half months when you appear (so are you goin' to be early or late? On my birthday or on the 28th?)Going to listen to cheeky big brother in a minute, sheesh you will meet him soon enough and he will sulk I'm sure every time I have to feed you or say he can't hold you at a particular time...you will adore him I know you will!Love you, love Alex and love Ashley, our angels always xxxxx

Tuesday 19th October 2004

Well mummy's been tired and mummy's been busy, thankfully the order I thought was never gonna get, arrived today, after all that complaining to Boots.com, wondering if they will send more stuff?I applied to Pampers and Huggies and Cow and Gate for freebies, not as I mind buying you anything yet you have to buy before you try... or is that try before you buy? oops!Not sure about my dream last night, mustn't have been that vivid as I can't remember it!Well you had a nice massaging down with my new bath and shower essence and it's gonna be bed time again soon.Why do the days go so slow and the nights go so fast? A week tomorrow I'll be seeing you again on the big screen, we so can't wait!love Mummy, Daddy, big brother Declan and our angels Alex and Ashley xxx

Monday 18th October

18:58pm ... 'ello Beanie! Declan's on his way home from being karate kid and tea is in the oven...can you believe Daddy wouldn't let us walk to take Declan to karate? we had to go in the car cus i'm pregnant with you? Bless him! The soft muppet, he is taking good care of us, he lovely and I can't wait for you to meet Daddy and me and big brother, Declan. I wish Alex and Ashley could be here to meet their family as everybody would love them so much! Wonder if I have a nice weird dream later? Hope so, Night Night, Love you!xx Mummy, Daddy xx

Monday 18th October 2004

12:20pm...Lunch time, hope you are enjoying me crackers and cheese "mmmm" I had a weird dream last night, I dreamt you were born at full term yet small like a premature baby, yet a real fighter, and after a shopping trip, your car seat would not buckle you in properly and I had to get to the shop to complain about it and get a new one, I drove (mummy can't drive in reality) with you in my arms and one hand on the steering wheel, I didn't crash or anything and was driving around Hanley in circles, how I got the car goin' with one hand is beyond me, maybe it's a sign that all will be OK with you, our little beanie!Daddy woke me up from my dream, fidgeting before the alarm went off.

Monday 18th October 2004

Morning Beanie! Well we're at work and can't wait for (1) the scan to see you again (2) week off from work, roll on Monday the 1st November!Hope your practising your somersaults for when mummy can feel them more.

Monday 18th October 2004

12:20pm...Lunch time, hope you are enjoying me crackers and cheese "mmmm" I had a weird dream last night, I dreamt you were born at full term yet small like a premature baby, yet a real fighter, and after a shopping trip, your car seat would not buckle you in properly adn I had to get to the shop to complain about it adn get a new one, I drove (mummy can't drive in reality) with you in my arms and one hand on the steering wheel, I didn't crash or anything adn was driving around Hanley in circles, how I got the car goin' with one hand is beyond me, maybe it's a sign that all will be OK with you, our little beanie!Daddy woke me up from my dream, fidgeting before the alarm went off.

Sunday 17th October 2004

Hello Beanie Baby, I'm sure you have grown to about ooo, 17mm by now? I do hope so and that you're having fun doing somersaults in mummy's tummy!I also apologise that I haven't posted anything the past couple of days, it's not for the want of trying. I have felt all topsy turvy, Auntie Jill being ill has upset me, I even cried and got a hug from grandma yesterday as I was trying to talk and everybody is either assuming I'm trying to do/say something I'm not instead of shutting up and listening and even Auntie Debbie is trying to be caring and I was just very tired and very hungry and it had been a long day!We met baby Daniel too, same age as Ashley would have been, we also didn't get to go to the cemetery to see Alex and Ashley, i'm sorry babies, we will visit soon! Hopefully this next weekend when it is near to Alex's birthday!Got a scan soon too, gosh, to get to the second scan and see you moving around and your little heart fluttering!I hope you like sherbert?! I think i'm gonna go scoff some more!Speak to you later babies xxx We love you! xxx

Thursday 14th October 2004

Well, busy, busy day and tonight we got your brother sorted with karate so he will be going there on Monday night, he can't wait, he is a happy bunny tonight as he has been allowed back on his PS2 (PlayStation 2).Auntie Jill isn't well! We should get chance to meet Jenny and baby Daniel on Saturday, I haven't met them yet so that will be nice for us all hey?!Auntie Tonia has sent me a funny book, 'Rough Guide to Pregnancy...' to read, so I can do that when it's daddy's turn on the PC.My pamper creams haven't come yet! Or my new bra that holds up mummy's milk supply either, sheesh!Well I want to pop over to Alex and Ashley's bedside over the weekend sometime so I will send your love to them too!Night Night for now, I will update you on more news later!Mummy's friend, Suzie, in Manchester reads our little news bulletins on here too so we shall have to keep her giggling!Everybody asks about us!Night Night baby beanie and Angels xxx Good Evening Baby love!I've been writing "I LOVE BABY and BEANIE" on my bump....big bump for almost 2 months pregnant!Yeah 2 months!!! Time is going quick, it will soon be Christmas and I will be putting Christmas tunes on early this year... gosh, we will be massive by Christmas!My boss told me today - in a jokily fashion - that he thinks your going to be about 13lbs in weight.... HA!HA! Told him you're big brother, Declan, was 7lbs (like he will ever know any different!!)Baby's Alex and Ashley only weighed less than a lb (pound) unfortunately.I was reading that lovely funny book Tonia and Mike sent us, it's very very witty...whilst reading it I saw myself writing lovely little notes to everybody saying how big you were and you finally had arrived, I can't wait for that day yet it can take it's time, we just want you to be born a healthy weight and happily alive!

Wednesday 13th October 2004

Evening, our little beanie! I'm sure you are bigger right now and moving around more yet I can't feel you and I can't wait to feel the butterfly effects of you doing somersaults inside my uterus/womb, wahey!OK Mummy's a bit of a loopy nut tonight! Too many E numbers during the day!I have been reading up on bath times for baby and I can't wait 'til I/We, can top and tail you; daddy give you a bath; and even Declan wants to sit in the bath and play with you too. At first he thought he would have to bathe you until I explained that no he would sit in the bath and play with you!Mummy will be leisurely working more and more weeks by the chuff chuff's (trains), good money to buy nice presents and surprises for new born baby beanies that won't be anything like a beanie, yet a lovely fresh cute baby when you arrive hey?!Oooo I can't wait, we can't wait!, scan is less than 2 weeks away now!We Love You!Night Night our angel xxx Night night to Alex and Ashley too xxx

Sunday 10th October 2004

Last night I was really horrible to Daddy, making him choose yet one day it may have to be done, I can't cope anymore! It's scary being pregnant after losing much wanted babies, Alex and Ashley, I don't want to lose much wanted you, nor does Daddy and Declan.I feel so lethargic, I don't know what to do, where to go, I don't want to do anything, I don't want anything!Daddy isn't feeling very well today either, he hasn't even stroked you today, not so far anyway and we need hugs and strokes as well as he does!Sometimes I wish we could do what animals do, hibernate!, not do anything for months on end, then wake up and have you!We love you so much, we love Alex and Ashley and Declan, I wish we could have all of you together!OK I'm going to say a temporary goodbye as I feel very upset at the moment! Love mummy, daddy, Angels Alex and Ashley, and Declan, your big lovable brother! xxx21:54pm Well what a weird weekend! I don't know why but with all the upset of Auntie Jill and my emotions and hormones flying everywhere, sometimes I haven't felt pregnant! I'm sorry !!! *sad frown*I know I am pregnant, I just haven't felt it especially after scarring myself last night. We can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks at the scan with your cute little heartbeat flickering away and you will be bigger and healthier too.Daddy thinks we should have a scan every week, I kind of agree as I'd love to see you on a scan photo every week but there are more people deserving of scans than us and I know that things will be OK when I see you in a couple of weeks!Can't wait, really excited *smiles and love your way* Love you lots xxx Alex and Ashley we will (hopefully) visit next weekend and pop some flowers on your Angel beds... sleep tight our lovely little angels... we love and miss you very very much xxx

Friday 8th October

Daddy has come home and rang Nana Lin and Granda Roger, not good news because Great Auntie Jill's cancer is not curable! We don't know if she will have therapy to prolong her life, it's her life and her choice, we just hope she will live long enough to meet you!!!Well on that sad note, Night Night little one! We love you! Night Night Alex and Ashley too xxx

Thursday 7th October 2004

Well what a fun day! Whole day at work, bored out of my Brian, busy but bored I just wish I was at the stage where I can feel your movements then it would make it more exciting when I went to work or sat on the sofa and especially in the bath!I'm wondering, like many new mums to be, if you are going to be a boy like Dec' and Daddy OR a girl like me? If you're going to be a boy you could be 'Jack' whereas if you are going to be a girl you could be 'Emily' or 'Lauren', I have never even considered 'Jillian' as a middle name after your great auntie Jillian too.What do you think Alex and Ashley? What shall we call your new brother or sister to be?I don't want to wish the pregnancy away, I'm looking forward to the next lot of scans, the Doppler also, So we can hear your heartbeat (little fluttery heartbeat) and at Christmas where you can taste lots of nice things through the placenta like... sprouts? And then there is turkey, and stuffing, roast potatoes too "mmmm", and best of all, chocolates!You will be 18 weeks by Christmas day and you should be letting me feel your kicks by then!Well I'll leave you some more notes tomorrow, Good night and god bless to Alex and Ashley, and keep active our little Angel inside!

Wednesday 6th October 2004 (15:27pm)

Well you and me walked down to the midwife today, we were half an hour late yet, and according to my appointment time I was on time? Luckily, midwife happily saw us and took my blood pressure, wrote down all my notes and gave me my bounty pack, after a large portion of chips and gravy we met up with daddy and he drove us to work. Kissed our good-byes at the station and we walked over to work, only 3half hours here yet I wish I was at home with my feet up resting as you make me tired yet I don't mind in the slightest. We have our next scan at 11 weeks on the 10th November at 09:00am! Our next midwife appointment is at 13 weeks on 24th November at 09:00am. Daddy and I wish to see you on a scan before 11 weeks so I am going to try and arrange that if I can. See you soon little one! We love you! xxx 22:33pm Well I phoned P. Young's secretary today and she has made an appointment for Daddy and I to see you on the 27th October for 09:45am... We can't wait!. Declan would love to come too. I think we will wait for the more intense scans around christmas, I'm sure he will enjoy them a lot better, he can't wait to meet you and has so much positivity Like I and Daddy have that all is well and we will meet you on and around the 28th May 2005... or will you appear on mummy's birthday on the 23rd May? So we see you when your about 9 weeks+5days (9+5) old and at 11 weeks 3 days (11+3) old! So far I'm excited! Auntie Jane said she can't wait to be an auntie again either.
Its so nice the family are so positive about this pregnancy, they are sooooooo supportive of us, and showing such positivity that this pregnancy will go to term unlike the sadness we had with Alex and Ashley! It is so far exciting but it doesn't mean we don't have our doubts some days or our bad days when I feel low and begin to question the possibility of the pregnancy ever becoming viable!
I asked about an epidural today, don't think mid midwife likes them because she (Sheila) said I was better off without, so gas and air will have to do and hopefully if they let me, a birthing pool!We Love You ! xxx Alex and Ashley love you too and are our guardian angels!

Tuesday 5th October 2004

Well Hello there baby beany, You have a heartbeat and your 6 weeks and 4 days old! Wicked!!!! Daddy and I are so chuffed! Just waiting for your big brothers reaction now...One Small Baby, Sized at 6 weeks 4 days. That lovely consultant (Mr P. Young) will see us every time, no need for injections of heparin which I'm glad to hear yet if its needed, it's needed!We ended up having two scans just to see you properly and lots of water!We will tell Nana She' and Granda Norman later and Auntie Jane and Uncle Jeff, what do you think? *grin* The picture above is of little you... no more calling you 'pin-head' hey?! OH yeah and Declan said,"god its tiny!"and he looked well happy! We had a better night tonight with him, compared to last night and he said..."let's hope we get to see this one..."Aww bless him! He wants to buy you a toy, but I can't tell you what it is, its a surprise!

Monday 4th October

Yesterday (Sunday), Daddy gloss painted the skirting boards in the kitchen so we ate our lovely Sunday dinner in the lounge because I wasn't going in the kitchen with those fumes! Declan had a bit of a temper yesterday and tonight, I don't like it when your big brother has tantrums, it upsets me! He is my little boy and he is special to me! (Like you and daddy are too!) Today I've been to work and I wish I didn't have to but the boss was in so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Tomorrow, Daddy and I and you, little bumpster, are having a trip to the hospital. Well 5 weeks into my pregnancy with you, scan tomorrow so we see your little tiny self on the screen, we won't see much I know so if we see more than we are expecting that will be a bonus, I just have to remember to have a clear/full bladder so we can see you clearly, then we get to see a nice consultant to see what his next plan of actions are as far as antenatal care and you are concerned, hey. We get to meet the midwife on Wednesday for first midwife antenatal check up to fill in all the information I can remember so that's a lie in bed for us on Wednesday as well as Tuesday. See you on the scan tomorrow little one!xxx We All Love You! xxx

Friday 1st October 2004

I'm keeping this short and sweet tonight, I've been upset, because well it's not daddy's fault I'm just sick of the pain of my tooth even though it's taken my mind off the anxieties of losing you like I have Alex and Ashley, I know I won't lose you this time!I'm just so cheesed off that this tooth has bad timing.Lisa's baby 'amy' has passed away at 36 weeks (Lisalulu), :( *tears upon tears* that upset me too, its so unfair, its sad, hard and painful to go through the miscarriages as we did but to lose your angel so far into the pregnancy like that, its just unfair! Sometimes i feel there is no god! or mother natures a complete bitch!Grandma and grandad are going away on holiday on Sunday and I don't know why it kinda upsets me when they go away because apart from obviously missing them I sometimes feel alone, on my own, even though your daddy is here and your big brother Declan is here.Well you keep them pregnancy hormones flowing whether its spots on my face I keep getting and swiping away or my tender breasts aching.Keep Growing our Little one we love you xxx

Thursday 30th September 2004

It's 12.40pm and I'm sitting here in my dressing gown, now and again stroking my bump with you in it, the size of about a grain of rice? I've slept for that long, too long, and woke up remembered I was pregnant wtih you, I've taken so many pills to chill out my tooth ache baby that I'm hoping all is fine in there?!!Daddy has just text to wonder what I'm doing, I just fancy some chips for lunch, I know it will irritate my tooth but I'm starving. Update later, hey mummy needs food xxxx

Between Monday 27th September and Wednesday 29th September...

(Wednesday) Please little ricey baby (that's mummy's nickname) keep the strength with me to get through this nasty tooth ache and get to the other side, so I can hold you, our own little baby in our arms come June 2005!"ouch toothache :( "It's not fair, this pain mummy has been uncomfortable for the past 3 days now, fingers crossed the pain goes away.We love you xxxps Big brother's betrothed himself to Alex again, so after your birth we shall buy him a wedding outfit *cheeky grin*

Well I've missed an input again, sheesh pin head, what am I like? - Daddys nickname again, he can't keep calling you that, wonder what he will come up with next? Well I was off work yesterday, poorly and I've been in work with you today and still feel rotten because of my poorly wisdom tooth. Can't wait to see you next week on the scan, it's less than a week away now as we speak and a week 'til we meet our midwife and she asks a million questions about Alex and Ashley and Declan's pregnancies. That's going to be a bit eww, but I'm having that day off...."nite, nite pin head xxx"

Sunday 26th September 2004

Sunday already, doesn't seem like 5 minutes since i did the pregnancy test last Monday! The week has gone fairly quick and the weekend... TOO QUICK!!! Yesterday (Saturday) we told grandma and grandad Cooke and auntie Jane and Nana she and Norman that you, our little pin head exists, and today, we told Granda and Nana Lin. I think that is all, daddy and I stroke my belly knowing your snoozing inside and right now you can't tell it's happening, daddy keeps kissing you too!! Big brother Declan is not mentioning me being pregnant with you, and that noise you hear sometimes is Declan screeching or crying or me crying because Declan's not really hopeful that you are going to come and meet him I don't think. It upsets me that he is scared that you may not come into this world like Alex and Ashley passed yet I have faith that the baby aspirin I'm taking is doing us both good and you will come to meet your mummy, daddy and big brother Declan in 8 months and make us all happy! I'm sure once Declan sees all the scans that you are growing and growing inside me and comes to gie you a big kiss the day you are born he will be ok, at the moment I think he just thinks that we are giving him false promises about another baby. See you in 8 months, can't wait Love Mummy, Daddy and Declan xxxx

Friday 24th September 2004

Health update really, I still feel like I could work for about 3 hours and sleep for the rest of the time... tits are still tender and I haven't got a bump, well I've got a tiny one which at 3 weeks should be more like none existent but I'm a bit tubby anyway... got my midwife appointment on the 6Th October, the day after the scan so that should be an interesting couple of days.Sat at home most the afternoon bored, well I've played on the PS2 and been on the PC and wanted to sleep whilst I've got the chance and have a bath to warm me up but no, sitting here, updating my pregnancy diary/journal about little"pin head" (as daddy nicknamed you for the moment)at 22:35pm and chatting to me mate on msn!

Thursday 23rd September 2004

Well today has been yet another boring day at work, finally found something to do, ready my 'Pregnancy & Birth' magazine when I first got into work because I was bored and wasn't sure what I would be doing for the rest of the day 'til 4pm. Joanne's last day tomorrow and I'll be really bored not being able to email her loads to chat whilst we do some kind of work. Well I feel tubby, I shouldn't have a bump yet but I've got a tiny one 'cause I didn't lose that much weight before I got pregnant again. I really love being pregnant, we are both looking forward to the scan on the 5Th October, yet I doubt they will be able to see much as I'll only be 5 weeks at the most by then! Daddy kisses and strokes "beanie", which I really love *blush* I'm looking forward to the scan and all scans, and Christmas because by then I should be about 16 weeks and hopefully getting past any scary anxieties, fingers crossed!!!!

Wednesday 22nd September 2004

3rd Official day since testing positive, been out to lunch (with Joanne from work and feel tired now, its half three and I wish I could do a Mary Poppins, click my fingers and be back at home with my feet up and asleep on the sofa) The first 12 weeks are the most tiring... fingers crossed another 28 weeks to go after that! :)

Tuesday 21st September 2004

Day 2 And yes Officially Pregnant! LMP (last menstrual Period was 11Th August 2004) We started TTC (trying to conceive) Wednesday 1st September 2004. I've had a feeling I was pregnant even before my AF (Aunt Flo) was due on the 12Th September. At work, and have spent 19 days wondering if I would get pregnant straight away it looks like I have and now I am pregnant I can't believe it, due dates will be weird, I reckon about 1st June 2005 or maybe week before? Or on or around my birthday (23rd May) By Christmas this year I should be past our scary milestones where we lost Ashley and Alex so I am looking forward to a Happy Christmas with Phil Declan and bump.

Monday 20th September 2004

As agreed, I went and bought a pregnancy test, 'First Response', Phil doesn't want me to do the "...test 'til we get home..", he even text me today to say "...drink plenty.." and that he "couldn't wait til home time"awww bless! xxxxxxx I was very tired today at work (or is that bored stupid?) and couldn't wait myself to get home and do the test (bearing in mind i was dying for a wee *crosses legs*) We got in about twenty past five and I ran upstairs and undid the test, trying to hold my wee in on the toilet, Pee'd on the little stick and stood it up (so such fluids would drain down the stick) before the recommended 3 minutes was up. The stick showed two lovely II lines so that's it! officially pregnant! BIG FAT POSITIVE :) 3rd time lucky we hope! Emotions... Running high, I feel happy! I feel upset and scared after losing Alex and Ashley, Happy and Positive more than anything, all three of us, and ickle bump too!!!

Phil suggested...

...buy a test!

Phil suggested "buy a test" tonight in bed (this i had wanted to do yesterday whilst out shopping - men huh!) So I am Happy to know he doesn't mind me going and spending money on a pregnancy test tomorrow! *grins*