Sunday 10th October 2004

Last night I was really horrible to Daddy, making him choose yet one day it may have to be done, I can't cope anymore! It's scary being pregnant after losing much wanted babies, Alex and Ashley, I don't want to lose much wanted you, nor does Daddy and Declan.I feel so lethargic, I don't know what to do, where to go, I don't want to do anything, I don't want anything!Daddy isn't feeling very well today either, he hasn't even stroked you today, not so far anyway and we need hugs and strokes as well as he does!Sometimes I wish we could do what animals do, hibernate!, not do anything for months on end, then wake up and have you!We love you so much, we love Alex and Ashley and Declan, I wish we could have all of you together!OK I'm going to say a temporary goodbye as I feel very upset at the moment! Love mummy, daddy, Angels Alex and Ashley, and Declan, your big lovable brother! xxx21:54pm Well what a weird weekend! I don't know why but with all the upset of Auntie Jill and my emotions and hormones flying everywhere, sometimes I haven't felt pregnant! I'm sorry !!! *sad frown*I know I am pregnant, I just haven't felt it especially after scarring myself last night. We can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks at the scan with your cute little heartbeat flickering away and you will be bigger and healthier too.Daddy thinks we should have a scan every week, I kind of agree as I'd love to see you on a scan photo every week but there are more people deserving of scans than us and I know that things will be OK when I see you in a couple of weeks!Can't wait, really excited *smiles and love your way* Love you lots xxx Alex and Ashley we will (hopefully) visit next weekend and pop some flowers on your Angel beds... sleep tight our lovely little angels... we love and miss you very very much xxx